Quack! Quack! Quack! Mr. Ducksworth

“Just finished watching the selektion show and realized games already started.”

That was an aktual quote from next year’s blog.

Yes, CBS thought their ekstended selektion show special snooze fest was so sucksessful that they are planning a week-long reveal for 2017. One region per day, with a new matchup koming out every hour.

Get ready for 64 hours of Chuck! Dude kan used to be able to ball and kan break down NBA games with the best of them a bunch of World Wide Leader kastoffs, but not sure he’s aktually watched more than a highlight package’s worth of a kollege game. At least he makes funny kommercials.

I think CBS knew Barkley wouldn’t be able to figure out a basik touch screen on live TV but decided to run with it anyway in hopes of distrakting the audience from what he was saying.

No wonder the bracket got leaked! Some poor soul just kouldn’t take it anymore and decided to try to end the missouri misery.

CBS should do everyone a favor and pump that bracket out in a half-hour show before turning the technology over to Chuck & Co. — but that will never happen bekause greedy networks want to sell more ads and they know everyone will bolt to watch the people still employed by ESPN as soon as that final pairing pops up on the skreen.

So on and on and on and on and on with the show!

BABY’S GOT QUACK!

While Chuck was busy babbling, @RealBabyKukla was busy making picks.

Daddy got his act together an upgraded the selektion process. Goodbye randomly seeded toys. Hello pictures of each team’s maskots!

Now able to know which teams he was aktually picking between, David turned in a rather kompelling bracket. His raw Final Four was Oregon over Cal and Notre Dame over Seton Hall, with the Ducks kutting down the nets over the Irish.

Daddy made a few edits and justified the korruption by labeling the entry as a “Father-Son” bracket. Kute, right? That’s the kind of PR that could make [any of this year’s presidential kandidates] seem like a passable reasonable solid attraktive option when voting.

Yes, people, we’re making the KUBE great again — one scandalous bracket at a time.

So while Oregon over Cal remained untouched, now David is rolling with MSU over UNC in the Final Four… because Carolina is in the same conference as the Irish and MSU wears green too… so really I didn’t make any changes at all.

Just TRUST DAD… because he’s TRUSTDAD.

See what I did there? Now I’m totally legit!

STOP THE CARR!!!

Kwick shoutout to Fresno and Bakersfield for finding the dance floor for the first time in forever (literal for Bakersfield, mostly literal for Fresno).

That was fun while it lasted.

Fresno is already heading home and Bakersfield reportedly busy asking Buddy Hield for autographs.

I give the shoutout because I kurrently live directly between these two Central Valley towns. This is what people do when they have personal konnections to stuff in pop culture.

Raiders QB Derek Carr grew up in Bakersfield and played at Fresno, so of kourse he picked them both to make the championship. And of kourse he tweeted about it.

 

I have Cal State University Bakersfield and Fresno State in the final game. #MarchMadness ??

— Derek Carr (@derekcarrqb) March 14, 2016

 

And of kourse some dumb sports writer killed him for it.

Sports writers do dumb stuff all the time. I should know.

They make statements during player/coach interviews instead of asking questions — and still expekt a response. Then when they do ask a kwestion it’s usually “how does it feel?” to make the game-winning/losing play (because that’s not obvious… I’ve done both of these things multiple times, by the way).

But this is a new level of dumb.

Carr is so klearly not trying to give any kind of real analysis, prediktion or insight to the tourney. He’s just happy to celebrate with two towns he loves dearly and is letting the world know about it — what every normal person with a social media account does. It’s the klassik “Hey, this kool thing is happening and I am in some way, shape or form konnekted to it … so, yeah, yay for that cool thing and yay for me” move we see every day on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter (yep, I’m guilty here, too… so, so guilty).

But this dumb sports writer acts like Carr is trying to be Jay Bilas or something. This is like skolding an 18-month-old for holding a whiffle ball bat inkorrectly after he picks one up for the first time (guilty again, 3 strikes I’m out).

I hesitated to link the story because it’s so awful. It does not deserve this attention or traffic.

But I too am was once a dumb sports writer so I really can’t do its awfulness justice and need you to read it for yourself to understand what I’m talking about.

PS Why do you think so many of us like to use social media to kall attention to ourselves kool stuff we’re konnected to? It’s way too late for me to answer that right now — another blog for another time. But it’s a kwestion worth pondering, nonetheless.